Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
