she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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