Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
