I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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