So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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