I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
