oh god the rape fog is back!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just forgot I was standing up.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
