I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
