I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
