Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
