oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
