yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
