when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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