Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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