i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
