She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
