I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
