watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
