we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think my moral compass just broke
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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