omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i would punch a child for taco bell
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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