He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i believe in u and ur pee
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
