My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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