just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
