I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
