That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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