Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
