So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
