Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
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I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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