wakey wakey hands off snakey
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
