Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
