Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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