Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
