i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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