dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Someone signed my nipple.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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