I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
