I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So vagazzling was a success
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
