new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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