The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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