I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
