I didn't shave. On purpose
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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