CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
