Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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