im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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