I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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