There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
