His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
