Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
