How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
