I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
