New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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