Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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