WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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