Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
