We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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