Everything about him screamed your future.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize