i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
