i can't believe i had my finger in that
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
