i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
