this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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