I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
