Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
