I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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