The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
