By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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