Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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