just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
should my penis look like a turkey
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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