he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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