having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
