So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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