you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
