We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
