I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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