At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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