His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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