I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
