It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
