i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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